If you care to take stock . . . 2013!

Questions written by Celia White, answered by me below, take a shot at it yourself, it is extremely enlightening and healing:

* What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2013? (What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

-- Strength, I moved twice, got a very good job, focused so much more on my own writing, my son graduated with honors and scholarships from 8th grade, now at Timon.


* What is there to grieve about? (What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

-- I have had to lose and am losing people I love dearly because that is life.


* What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

-- Usui Reiki Master Teacher Practitioner. 


* What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

-- Taught creative writing workshops globally. 


* Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

-- I do not make resolutions. 
 
* Did anyone close to you give birth?

--Yes. 
 
* Did anyone close to you die?

--Yes.
 
* What countries did you visit?

--None, physically. 
 
* What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

--Tolerance 
 
* What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

--June - November -> Bliss
 
* What was your biggest achievement of the year?

--Not completely losing my mind 
 
* What was your biggest failure?

--Giving into anger 

 * Did you suffer illness or injury?

-- Yes, two serious car accidents 
 
* What was the best thing you bought?

-- A new Jeep. 
 
* Whose behavior merited celebration?

--My son, William. 
 
* Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

--Most of society everywhere, as a whole. 
 
* Where did most of your money go?

--Bills. 
 
* What did you get really, really, really excited about?

--My son's achievements, getting paid for my writing, successes of my dear friends, a new dog for my Mother, a new home, new car. 
 
* What song will always remind you of 2013?

--Kingdom Come by The Civil Wars, below: 

 
 
* Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

--Richer, no doubt and I don't mean just money. 
 
* What do you wish you’d done more of?

--Laughed.
 
* What do you wish you’d done less of?

--Cried. 
 
* Who did you love in 2013?

-A Lady never tells *smile* 
 
* What was your favorite TV program?

--Game of Thrones.
 
* Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

--No. 
 
* What was the best book you read?

--Road To Mecca 
 
* What was your greatest musical discovery?

--My son's ipod 
 
* What did you want and get?

--Peace of mind, security. 
 
* What did you want and not get?

--Superman *grin* 
 
* What was your favorite film of this year?

--The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
 
* What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?


-- __ and I have no idea. 
 
* What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


--Superman *grin* 
 
* How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

--1970-ish 
 
* What kept you sane?

--My Son, My Mother, A.B. 
 
* Who did you miss?

--My Father, immensely. 
 
* Who was the best new person you met?

--R.P., B.B. 
 
* Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

--That I know nothing. 
 
* Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

--"Don't You Fret My Dear, It'll All Be Over Soon and I'll Be Waiting Here, For You."  

* It is a great big world out there people! 

Go exploring . . . and thank you Celia for the prompt! 

It is not ironic I greet 2014 writing! *

Such Things These Eyes They Wish To See

 ON AUDIO HERE

                                                           "Madinah Sunset" by Qalb Par Nazar



i wish upon embers
falling from my eyes
not tears
but starshine
blazing and glorious
like the sunset over Makkah

i wish i can take flight
like Iqbal's eagle
soaring and endless
searching for its place
insane
yet, oh 
so divine

and i wish that my gaze
may one day fall
upon the both of you
smiling 
at me

as Muhammad must have smiled
at Khadija
a love so rare 

not quite romantic
unconditional 

as the love i have for you
simultaneous 

like blood brothers 
mine

eternal.


- Susan Marie 2013 


[last poem of the year, for my two brothers]

Beyond Ghosts, Greater WNY Paranormal Society, PIT at Cazenovia Library December 14th

Join Beyond Ghosts on December 14, 2013, as they host the first ever public paranormal exploration of the Cazenovia Public Library and Resource Center in South Buffalo. This is part of the city richly steeped in tradition; the land on which Caz Library is situated has seen its fair share of history over the last 150 years or so. 

Claims of reported paranormal activity at this location include the presence of shadow people, anomalous sounds and voices, and the sensation of being watched. 

Adding to the overall experience for the evening, they will be joined by guest investigators from the Greater Western New York Paranormal Society, as well as the PIT Society, who will be helping to lead the investigation from start to finish.

Come spend time investigating with some of the most passionate people in the field of paranormal research. There are only a limited number of tickets available and two distinct choices for the evening. 

Arrive early at 7pm and watch the episode of "Behind the Shadows" with the cast and crew that was filmed on location at the library. This is a VIP package that includes a ghost hunt of the building. 

This event is in support of the upkeep of the building itself. 

The Cazenovia Community Resource Center [Caz Library] is located at 155 Cazenovia Street, Buffalo NY 14210. 

The initial private investigation can be seen featured on WGRZ NBC Channel 2 Buffalo with the crew of the Greater Western New York Paranormal Society. This investigation I were invited to and it was one of the most interesting experiences of my life. 

I had the pleasure of meeting Cameron and Ashley that evening, who will be there with you on the 14th. 

See below.

WGRZ Featuring Greater WNY Paranormal Society

This event on the 14th is a dedication to science, the unknown, the library itself and for the public to be a part of the entire process.

For tickets: --> Beyond Ghosts

Your Hosts:  

FB Event Page

Greater WNY Paranormal Society

Beyond Ghosts 

Cazenovia Library

PIT Society

 © Greater Western New York Paranormal Society

Let Your Soul Shine

The last few days were trying. After all, I am only human. 

Only human. Now there is an interesting definition. 

Being "human" [according to Merriam-Webster] means "a human being, a person as distinguished from an animal or an alien. Susceptible to or representative of the sympathies and frailties of human nature."  

In our world, being "human" has taken on an entirely different meaning.

All ranges of emotion from love to happiness to sadness to frustration to anger to darkness to bliss are experienced by humans. Somewhere along the lines, the term "human" has been associated with being "perfect."  Perfect attitude, hair, skin, nails, clothes, body, education, family, career, skills, life, travel, adventure, love, and pretty much everything that most humans definitely are not.

Many times in life we over think. Our minds are powerful tools, ones we have yet to fully study and understand. Some days you may feel perfectly in tune with all of your choices and surroundings only to be feeling outcast, outspoken, rude, pitiful and eventually, self-deprecating. I know I am not the only one who goes through this. If you don't, then you are lying, or quite possibly, not "human."

Although such phases do not last long, for me, thankfully, they are unsettling because when you over think, you disallow your instinct to be in control, you tend to become off balance that spirals your rational thought along with your own energy, into massive loops of confusion. You may not be confusing to others, or maybe you are, I can only speak for myself, however, the most important aspect of being off balance is in regards to how you feel about yourself. 

I found myself reacting to things I normally ignore and getting upset over menial things. This is typically not the "me" of today so I began to search: 

"Why do I feel this way? What caused me to start thinking like this? Why am I feeling out of control?" 

Ask yourself, you have all of your answers. 

The beautiful aspect of existence and having people put by us for various reasons is that during such times, often without saying a word, some without ever meeting me, sensed that something clearly was "not right" simply by reading deeper into my words, my energy, my response and my actions. Several people took the time to find out why I did not feel okay. 

As human beings we all wish to be acknowledged, loved and recognized and that is not an egotistical thing, it is a basic need. These extremely special people did just that. They acknowledged my emotions, what I was feeling, and allowed me to talk through them in order for me, not them, to figure out why I was feeling out of balance. 

Rational and healthy communication is crucial. 

It absolutely infuriates me [there I go being "human" again] when there is improper communication because this starts a chain reaction of misunderstanding that leads to "what if" negative self talk and thinking. In turn, eventually, a guilt ridden, self-loathing [for those of us who are "human'] after effect. This is absolutely foolish when you think about it.

[Think for a moment, really, this is not meant to be deep.]

What I learned from being allowed to be myself without judgment is that I needed to look inside of me and not blame another person for the way I were feeling. After all, it is my own fault for feeling as I do no matter what another said to me, how one treated me, or the actions of another human being towards me. I am in control of myself and am responsible and accountable for my behavior. 

I asked myself: 

"Why do you feel this way? What caused you to start thinking like this? Why do you feel out of control?" 

And guess what? I answered me.

*smile*

Yet, without the guidance of those who are reading this and reached out in various ways to acknowledge me, as a fellow human being, I may not have arrived quickly to a conclusion. I may have ridiculously crucified myself a few more days for no apparent reason other than I chose to. 

Yet something amazing occurred after talking with others.

I were sitting on my couch watching a movie with my son, William, he is 14 years old and I looked at him, I mean I really looked at who he is and I asked him to please give me a hug. The smile on his face was so wide that I began to smile too. He gladly and lovingly hugged me with all of his might and we did not let go, not just yet. I told him that without him in my life that my life would be horrible and I mean that, wholeheartedly. 

Hugging my son was touching the divine. 

You see, children are insightful and full of unconditional love that we tend to lose as we grow older. In my child, I felt bright, magnificent light that illuminated me, and I wondered did he also feel that from me? 

At that moment, I realized my entire purpose, regardless of what interests me, what my career is or is not, and who is or is not in my life. 

What mattered and does matter was right there with my son. In seconds, every single confusing thought disappeared. 

That is the beauty of love. The divine essence of existence. 

The fact that we are placed here for various reasons and most times, they are quite simple. We make them complicated. 

I realized how blessed I were then, although I have always been aware, yet sometimes we forget in the busy-ness of life. Then everything around me was a gift, the sunshine, nature, my home, my work, my friends, my family, the fact that my limbs work and that I have the means to utilize technology to talk to all of you right now. 

For today [and every day] I suggest something extremely simple. Do this right now. Look around you and find your divine. It exists. You just may have your eyes closed at the moment. 

So, take the time to work through whatever you are dealing with, just don't stay there. 

And always, simply, be human. 
 

                         2013 ChalkFest Buffalo                                

 2014 my niece Delaney, 

and my son, William

Peace.