Conversations With Myself

© Volti

Negative Sue:  You know what? I don't know what to think of people anymore . . .

Positive Sue:  What do you mean? People treat you well.

Negative Sue: No, they don't. I never really feel like people care.

Positive Sue: That is UTTERLY ridiculous, of course they care. You have people that love you.

N: Well this is true, I don't mean all people. I mean some people.

P: Susan Marie, you cannot include "some" people when you state "all" people. That's being conditional.

N: Is it? I think of it as being human. I don't feel conditional. As a matter of fact, I feel severely unconditional. I think I am doing good things and have a good heart. I don't think that's an egotistical thing to say. I am being truthful. If they feel that way, loving, I don't know it or see it.

P: Well, you cannot expect that the whole world is to think and feel as you do!

N: I know, but I mean shouldn't people think good things? I guess to me it is the right way to think - helping people and doing good things and trying to let go of stuff and not be mad and grow and progress. A perfect example of that sentence is this conversation right now. I am talking to you so I can let go of what I am feeling. I don't know even know what I am feeling . . .

P: Yes, you do. Just ask yourself "why am I feeling this way?" You will answer yourself. Being good is the right thing to do. You are not doing anything bad. By the way, you completely bypassed a word I just used:  expect.

N:  I guess so, it's just tiring you know? I mean there are like 10 whole people in the world that I know who are right in the head.
 
P: Are you always right in the head, Sue?

N: Well . . . no . . . alright, fine, whatever. I see where you are going with this . . . you're not going to start telling me the black and white wolf story are you? Or the shadow side?  Please do not go on about the mirror, please . . . I know these things . . .

P: Then why are you talking to me if you know EVERYTHING? You did not ask yourself that question up there?

N: What question?

P: Sue . . .

N: OK, FINE! 

I feel helpless sometimes because I can't do everything and I want to and sometimes I have to depend on people. When people do not come through, then I get angry at myself because if I could do it, I would. When asking others for help, then comes that whole "let down" feeling because if I could do it myself I would not have to be let down by others not doing or thinking as I do.

P: You just nailed it!
 
N: What?

P: You said:  "not doing or thinking as I do."
 
N: Well, I don't mean it like that. I sound like a pompous ass, don't I? I mean in a loving, natural spiritual way, you know?

P: I understand, but you are putting expectations on certain people and that is not reality, that is your perception.
 
N: Ohhh . . . here we go back to that" it is all your own perception" thing with you. Please stop with the psychobabble . . .

P: Well, it's true. If you feel or perceive that you are not being treated as you want and need to be treated and people let you down, then that is your perception, correct?
 
N: Yes, but sometimes people are plain mean . . .

P: Well, think of the other person. They may believe or perceive they are doing good. Others may be utilizing their power and maybe even more to help you and talk to you and do whatever it is they are supposed to be doing in your life.

N: I guess you are right. I mean people are not mind readers.

P: No, they most certainly are not.

N: Well, I communicate extremely well. I mean I do not hide. I know what people want and feel and sometimes when I ask for simple things, some people do not come through. I mean come on, man! That is just plain sad.

P: Do you communicate well to those that you feel are not by your side as you perceive them to be? Okay, but what of all the people that DO come through for you? Do they not matter? You are only going to focus on those that never come through for you? You have to ask yourself why you give energy to such thoughts. You must think of where others are mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Maybe they are not where you are right now.
 
N: This is true, but geeeez, it's getting ridiculous. It's a lonely feeling sometimes to think and feel this way.

P: What way?

N: Super ultra sensitive to everything, that the world is good and kind, that nature matters, that people have extreme power and have no idea that they do, that loving people regardless of their actions towards me is a divine act and not one of want or need.

P: Okay, well, ask to have the sensitivity calmed down. You know how to do this. Again, you are responsible for your own behavior and actions. Think positive. You have much to be grateful for. Love IS a divine act. Love is never wasted. Nature does matter, as do people, as does the world.
 
N: I know I do, I truly do and I am happy and grateful for every single thing. I just wish I did not have to keep letting go of people in my life. You know, I observe people completely lose their minds a lot. I have become used to this. It's truly disturbing.

P: Ah . . . maybe they changed or you changed. It does not mean one has lost their mind. This is the way of life and growth. This is existence and nature. Loving people and places and things and learning to let them go and doing the best you can with what you have and being the best YOU is what truly matters. You are doing fine.
 
N: Yeah, well, sometimes I do not feel fine. Sometimes I feel real angry at the world for everything that goes on.

P: You are not responsible for everything that goes on. You are only responsible for you. Nobody said being human was easy and nobody is perfect. This world will always be full of light and dark. The universe cannot operate without both. All you need to be concerned with is yourself and those that ARE WITH YOU on THIS wavelength RIGHT NOW.
 
N: I know and I do. I have a question.

P: Yes?

N: What is the difference between operating as a loving human being and simply being a turning point in the life of another? Sometimes it feels like the same thing.

P: Have you been reading Kierkegaard again? 

That question is for you to address. If you feel like a turning point, then you are. If you feel loved and cared for, then you are. If you feel something rising up within you like anger or sadness due to the actions of another, you must address that within yourself and not blame or project that onto another individual. I do not mean in an abusive fashion either. One must always stick up for self but try to do that as loving as possible. In all relations, especially with self, one must be happy. Be gentle with yourself. Everything has a purpose and time.

N:  I know. I do address it. I address these things all day. I just wish that people saw like I do because you know the world is really quite a beautiful place through my eyes . . .