© Susan Marie
I have always been a solitary creature. Even when extremely extroverted, for that is who I inherently am, however, my initial need for absolute solitude the past few years, except for communication with one or two trusted humans, was to heal from the most hideous emotional pain I have felt in over fifteen years.
During that time, I more fully recognized the emotional, psychological, spiritual, and eventual, physical benefits, of the necessity of solitude.
The joy I feel in quietness, to hear the birds singing outside, the ticking of the clock, the call of wild geese, to dance to music, to sneak into nature and just simply BE, is necessary for elevation of the mental and emotional self.
Imperative for true elevation of the soul.
What I discovered when I tapped back into technology [texting, instant messaging apps, Facebook], after a year or so of not utilizing what society deems “necessary sociable and acceptable means of communication”; and I view as a facade, fake, not reality and easy ways to miscommunicate; I started to experience anxiety, sadness, a disturbance in my own peace, an argumentative stance, anger, emotional confusion, and all of my energy stripped from my soul.
I felt myself starting to become ill.
What does that tell you about the state of humanity?
A necessary component of being a successful Clinical Mental Health Counselor [my current path], as well as an enlightened human soul, is to know self, via solitude and the entire time I have been healing, then focused on my education and career; I have been happy, secure, well with my place in this world, directed, on mark, existing on a plane suitable to my soul; the progression of self, loving and knowing myself, accepting myself fully.
I am still on this journey.
What I discovered is reconnecting to society via certain forms of technology, was utterly disturbing to my well being.
I began to doubt myself, and instead of pleasing self, I fell into long tossed away destructive behavior patterns of pleasing others.
Now I fought those behaviors internally, and externally, still kept my distance, for I know myself pretty well, however, starting to utilize technology in the above ways brought to me isolation, not connection, and for me, after so much absolute breathtaking personal freedom, technology was suffocating.
I felt like I was stuffed into confinement.
Which is interesting to me psychologically considering most people feel that solitude is confinement and loneliness, however, my solitude is peaceful and enlightening. I am not in absolute solitude by any means, I live a healthy, productive existence, however, the noise of society and feeling of responsibility that comes with using technology, is exhausting.
In the book, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, by Sherry Turkle, the author states:
When we don’t have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we’re not able to appreciate who they are. It’s as though we’re using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self.
Right now, after leaving some of technology behind, my heart is lighter and my spirit, grounded.
I am centered - away from the noise.
There are people I love with my entire being and never wish to cease communicating with because they have beautiful souls, mean the world to me, people I trust with my life and have created lifelong soul-bond relationships with that are eternal, however, that does not mean I must be in constant communication.
Instead of living for me, my betterment, that of this space here, myself and my family; I was anxiety ridden, worried, could not sleep or eat, my brain was on an endless loop of negative thinking.
Unhealthy attachments and boundaries people have created to stuff, the need to constantly communicate, to have attention paid to them, to feel they must pay attention to others, being too busy, addicted to drama, and mass miscommunication, is essentially, fleeing SELF for an unreality, a coping mechanism that denies SELF, in turn, is the fear of seeking self, thus trying to FIND self in others.
Everything I saw was fake, is false, a need and want for validation from others.
I seek none of these things.
Solitude is a necessary component for loving and accepting self. It does not mean I want to be solitary forever or am always solitary, it simply means I love myself more than the demands and restrictions of societies.
The positive aspect is recognizing when you are depleted, to stop, step back, regain your ground and reflect.
I belong in this world, I do not belong in my past.
I sit here now, writing to you, peaceful. Peaceful because being sucked back into what no longer serves my purpose caused me mental and emotional imbalance.
Solitude is communion.
*
The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
© William Robert
