confetti

 

when i was a child
my sisters used to tell me tales
of princes and kings
and dragons slain

of gold and silver
and queens and crowns
of fairies and forests
and elves and trees

and of mystical kingdoms

and glories of conquests

and of love found and lost

and gained

again

and of pain and heartbreak

dark hearts of madness

evil men and women

that shook their angry fists

at the coming of a pure dawn

and raged

against the deep velvet coat of night

and
everyone
was
always

so

utterly
happy

eventually

and my eyelashes used to flutter

like the wings of birds in flight

resting, finally

in eternal silence

like the princesses in the tales told

awaiting a kiss of a lover

awaiting her throne

awaiting her death

awaiting her birth

awaiting the day

when she

will truly

be free

from eternal 

waiting

woman

always

waiting

for whom?

waiting

for what?

waiting

why? 

the answer eluded me then

as words waltzed crescendos

across my subconscious self

curling like smoke rings

holding hands with each other

letters forming words

creating sentences

one day to be recalled

and written

Oh, such sweet innocence!

like the first snowfall

in slow motion freeze frame

landing upon the grass, still green

Autumn barely gone

and all the little children
standing outside

mouths wide open

chins tilted towards the sky

cerulean

catching snowflakes

in awe
of the wonder and divinity

of Mother Nature

pure

like the chalk lines freshly sketched
around your body
lying face down
in a pool of my

heart
broken

lying tattered and torn

shredded
like confetti

on New Year’s Eve. 

25 Things I Have Learned

On Thought Catalog HERE 

 

 © Theresa Durant Photography

Every moment I do my best to learn from every experience. Human beings tend to focus only on positive experiences. Negative experiences eventually become positive if one is paying attention. 

At the close of every year, I ask myself: 

What have I learned? 


1. That all of us are valuable parts of one race, the human one, and all of us have numerous purposes. Some yet to be discovered. Do not discount your own being. None of us are greater than another. 


2. That an immense ever growing desire to learn about everything is a rare and beautiful way to be. Do not ever allow anyone to cause you to lose your wonder. 


3. Not everyone will understand your struggle, outlook, opinions, beliefs and especially, your heart. That is okay. Stay by those who do. Learn from those who do not. 


4. Move on when any experience discounts the importance of your own existence. 


5. Before you move on, grieve, heal, grow and positively teach others through your actions. 


6. Love is wondrous. It exists. Do not ever be afraid to show others that you care for them, and that you love. The world needs more of this. 


7. Love yourself. We are only human. We are supposed to make mistakes. We are not perfect, we were not created to be omniscient. This is what being human is all about. Bliss, pain, progression, repeat.


8. If you want to create, then do it. What are you waiting for? You have the ability to do whatever you want. There is no time stamp on creation. 


9. All. Art. Heals.  


10. Nature is a peacekeeper. Let us be more kind to her. 


11. Be responsible for your behaviors, words, and actions. Blaming others is projection and denial. Causing pain to others because you have refused to deal with past hurt causes more pain. Say sorry. It need not matter if one says it back. You did your part. Move on. 


12. Be mindful of how you communicate. Words. Hurt. Be kind to yourself and to others.


13. Run through the sprinklers in Summer, make snow angels in Winter, lay beneath the trees in Autumn and get out in the sunshine at the first sign of Spring. 
Nature = instant healing. 


14. We get one chance to do something lasting while on Earth. Whatever you do, make it count. 


15. Cease obsessing about how you look, what you did or did not do, thinking about the past, blaming yourself for things you had no control over and most essential, remember that you cannot control everything. Do what causes you to heal and let it go. There are amazing people waiting for you out there! 


16. Hug those you care about. Tell them you care. Show them you care. Recognizing another human soul is crucial for progression on both ends. Bring more happiness into the world and to yourself. 


17. Some people will never move past their own hurt. If you are unable to make a positive impression, move on. You tried. It is up to them now. 


18. You are not a doormat.  
Say it! --> I am not a doormat.


19. If you are in need of help, get it. Cease being ashamed of being human. We have all screwed up. So what? If you never screw up, you never learn lessons. The important thing is to keep going. 


20. Tell your children you love them. Hug them. Give them confidence. Motivate them. Teach them how to be responsible, active parts of all society. Teach them what you know. Show them through your experience. You were given this role because you were chosen as a guide to another human soul. Your job is to help them be the best version of themselves possible. Be grateful for your family. Make sure they are aware of this. Some people have no one.


21. Put down your technology and get out into nature. Trust me, it matters. A lot. 


22. Learn about different languages, cultures, faiths. We have such a wondrous world.  


23. It is okay to disagree with anything that does not suit you. It is not okay to attack others for not agreeing with what suits only you. 


24. It is NORMAL to have a wide range of human emotions.


25. Wherever you are, remember, if you did your best with what you have, that is all that matters. Keep doing better.

I leave you with this. 

Why do I leave you with this short video? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ny3bFLzXfdw

See for yourself.

Peace, 

Sue 

Date Club: The Trouble With People #2

If you missed Part I, go -->  HERE 

I managed to land myself into the funny, exciting, confusing, and absolutely creepy world of dating. 

This propelled me to start a short series [writing and radio interviews] about relationships [from all perspectives] because quite frankly, a lot of people seem to be EXTREMELY confused about the differences between dating, relationships, love, like, attraction, friendship, passion, spark, sex, making love, long-term, short-term and just for fun.

After reading numerous articles by so called "relationship gurus" advising men and women to solely act in favor of the other gender or partner, rather than WITH one another or for self, I found such advice not applicable to reality whatsoever. 

Most disturbing is that people pay strict attention to "relationship gurus" as well as pay hard earned money for advice that is as general as horoscopes in the newspaper.

With that being said, I invite you to look through my eyes and experience the world of dating, online and off. 

Come on, I promise it will be more than interesting. Some of this stuff is downright hysterical, some of it is painful truth, a lot of it is purely horrifying, some of it is fun and most of it is 100% absolute nonsense.

Thus, I hereby dub this experience, "Date Club" after one of my favorite movies. 

First rule of date club: 

Do not take anything serious in date club.
 

The first order of business is an online profile.

How hard is it to take a non insane photo of yourself and post it online? 

One would think this is an easy task. 

I have a few DEFINITE PHOTO DONT'S:

- selfies in public toilets or any toilet, anywhere, ever

- on a tractor, with a shotgun, in the wild

- trying to look sexy, ending up with a "serial rapist" look 

- the "I was just released from prison, again" look

- with a bunch of small children = weirdo pedophile 

- with women or men hanging all over you

- with people marked out, whited out, or cut out

- all curled up in bed causing you to look [psychotic?]

- with your head cut off showing ONLY your body 

- you and your friends

- you in a club, wasted, holding up a drink with your friends

- you and your parent!

- naked, walking in fields of wheat 

- just between your legs with women's undies on when you  
  are a male seeking a female

- just your eyes, up close, real close, TOO close 

  [See line #3]

-with sunglasses on [in.every.single.photo]

-dressed like Pirates of the Caribbean [in.every.single photo]  

-just your chest, muscles, torso, breasts, butt, body parts

-ONLY working out 

-doing some Evil Knievel stunt 

-in your work attire 

 [like right before surgery, by trays of sharp instruments] 

-depressed, sad, not smiling [might need psychotherapy]

-with a ton of people [hmm, I wonder which one you are?] 

-with makeup on [blush, eyeliner, the whole nine] when  
 you are a man seeking a woman

-just your tattoos

-on your bike, in your sports car, on your yacht [I get it] 

-dancing, anywhere, especially disco

-drunk, and/or drugged

-teeth would be nice . . . 
-naked torso with a crucifix hanging from your neck  
-with your guitar on your couch [in. every.single.photo] 
-did I mention no Axl Rose or Poison attire? 



Please. Just be you and if that is you, good luck finding the
alternate you . . .

These are just a few and there is, oh, so much more . . . 

I need to talk about user names . . . 

Address what NOT to say on first contact . . .  
The actual date . . .
Phone calls . . .
Texts . . .

Stay tuned for Series #3, "The Trouble With People" with more realistic advice, from direct experience, and live interviews showing the male perspective vs. the female perspective. 

There are awesome people to be found and lasting relations in all kinds of fashions. Thus far, I have had all kinds of experiences and they are way too good to keep to myself. 

In everything, be careful, have fun, be nice and be clear about why you are REALLY seeking out anyone. That is, if you even know why yourself.

Proper communication is the key people! 

First rule of date club: 

Do not take anything serious in date club.

mouths, silenced, stitched, shut [For Peshawar]

Photo © Wall Street Journal/Associated Press

the faces of
children
shame
innocent
children

blood in the streets
of
the faces
of children
muddied
hardened

weeping tears
like willow trees in Spring

mouths
silenced
stitched
shut
like sewing needles
stuck
harshly
into skin, soft
like bullets
flying
a ricochet
hitting
soft
matter

drawing blood
and more blood
and blood of lives
lost

the present
vomited by forefathers
from past
repeated
set to
rewind
constant

Oh, the innocents,
their dear souls wander
lost and weary
beneath starshine
and the world does not weep
mankind does not weep
the children weep
My God
the pooling of the blood
of the hearts
snuffed out
dead
cold
lying like
fish out of
water
eyes bulging
bloated
on fire
ablaze

they watched
as those they loved
were murdered
they stared
as bodies burned
they stood like statues
as they were
questioned
attacked
harassed

the innocents
the children
the nation of children
blown out
like candle wicks

the faces of
children

shame
innocent
children

blood in the streets
of the faces

of children

mouths
silenced
stitched
shut


© Susan Marie

© Hasan Javad Chatha for speaking these words to me:

"Our government is hungry for our blood. Blood of the nation of the children. Shame."

Behavior, Accountability and Social Media [1/2 Hour Radio Interview]

 On CNN International HERE
ON WGRZ CH. 2 News HERE 

Technology is a powerful tool created to utilize proper and quick communication. The history of the internet began in the 1950's with the creation of electronic computers. In the 1990's, there was a rise in computer use due to instant messaging, email, and the World Wide Web.

In our present societies, social media has turned into a "psychological dumping ground" where people often use technology to complain without action.

The internet is a wondrous place where global connections are made, friendships formed and causes are implemented in order to create a better world for all of us.

The internet is also a frightening arena where others use it to abuse, control, rant, and attack individuals who are attempting to connect to the world and each other, on a larger scale.

In this half hour radio interview with Ruthann Amarteifio of Air Amarteifio Radio, we discuss issues such as Ferguson, reactions of people from different classes, accountability for actions, behavior, responsibility, respect, and dignity.

You can listen to the discussion by clicking this link:  "Behavior, Accountability and Social Media"

Social media is used for various purposes. Everyone has a right to be online. Everyone has a right to freedom of speech. This is not about rights. This is about holding oneself accountable for behaviors, actions and words.

We exist in a world of blame. Blaming institutions, government, media, races, ethnicity, cultures, nations, and faiths.

Without action, blaming is nothing more than complaining.

"It is one thing to think a black-hearted thought. It is another thing to speak a black-hearted thought in front of others. It is an entirely different issue when that black -hearted thought is posted online." - Susan Marie

The Trouble With People

Men say women are difficult and vice versa. Truth is, people are difficult. There is no magic "soul mate fairy" that comes riding on a gold stallion with wings to deliver in your lap the perfect person just so you can be happy.

It takes work. It takes two people to constantly give. Each has to work to be good, loving, kind, communicative, supportive, caring people. It takes self-control not to flip out on another when you are angered. It takes self-awareness to recognize what you need to work on inside your own self to be a great partner and it takes self-respect to not allow yourself to be abused.

My point is life is about finding people you can tolerate, and those who can tolerate you. Find people that are different than you are so you learn and grow, as well as those who are the same as you are in order to feel camaraderie, and find people who act out of a place of love and most importantly, self-love.

There is no such thing as perfection in humans. We are fallible creatures. We are made this way for a purpose. We are meant to make mistakes and meant to succeed and learn from both. By doing so, we pass that knowledge on.

Seek the simple. Seek those who view the world with open eyes, past human faults, past innocent ingrained beliefs and ideals, and directly into the soul for that is where breath is and breath sustains life.

I wonder when I will cease seeing into souls and stare at the world with blinders on?

Hopefully, never.

Alas, this is the path of a seeker. It is one filled with immense beauty and insufferable pain.

© Susan Marie

Thoughts While Sleepwalking

Only Human

Human. Now there is an interesting definition.

Being "human" [according to Merriam-Webster] means "a human being, a person as distinguished from an animal or an alien. Susceptible to or representative of the sympathies and frailties of human nature."

In our world, being "human" has taken on an entirely different meaning.

All ranges of emotion from love to happiness to sadness to frustration to anger to darkness to bliss are experienced by humans. Somewhere along the lines, the term "human" has been associated with being "perfect."  Perfect attitude, hair, skin, nails, clothes, body, education, family, career, skills, life, travel, adventure, love, and pretty much everything that most humans definitely are not.

Many times in life we over think. Our minds are powerful tools, ones we have yet to fully study and understand. Some days you may feel perfectly in tune with all of your choices and surroundings only to be feeling outcast, outspoken, rude, pitiful and eventually, self-deprecating. I know I am not the only one who goes through this. If you don't, then you are lying, or quite possibly, not "human."

Although such phases do not last long, for me, thankfully, they are unsettling because when you over think, you disallow your instinct to be in control, you tend to become off balance that spirals your rational thought along with your own energy, into massive loops of confusion. You may not be confusing to others, or maybe you are, I can only speak for myself, however, the most important aspect of being off balance is in regards to how you feel about yourself.

When off balance, I tend to react to things I normally ignore and get upset over menial things. This is typically not the "me" of today so I search:

"Why do I feel this way? What caused me to start thinking like this? Why am I feeling out of control?"

Ask yourself, you have all of your answers.

One beautiful aspect of existence and having people put by us for various reasons is that during such times, often without saying a word, some without ever meeting me, sense that something clearly is "not right" simply by reading deeper into my words, my energy, my response and my actions.

As human beings we all wish to be acknowledged, loved and recognized and that is not an egotistical thing, it is a basic need. 

Rational and healthy communication is crucial.

It absolutely infuriates me [there I go being "human" again] when there is improper communication because this starts a chain reaction of misunderstanding that leads to "what if" negative self talk and thinking. In turn, eventually, a guilt ridden, self-loathing [for those of us who are "human'] after effect. This is absolutely foolish when you think about it.

[Think for a moment, really, this is not meant to be deep.]

What I learn from being allowed to be myself is that I need to look inside of me every day and not blame another person for the way I feel. After all, it is my own fault feeling as I do no matter what another said to me, how one treated me, or the actions of another human being towards me. 


I am in control of myself and am responsible and accountable for my behavior. 

I ask myself: 

"Why do you feel this way? What caused you to start thinking like this? Why do you feel out of control?" 

And guess what? I answer me.

*smile*

Yet without the guidance of those who are reading this and reach out in various ways to acknowledge me, as a fellow human being, I may not arrive so quickly to a conclusion. I may ridiculously crucify myself for no apparent reason other than I choose to. 

I was sitting on my couch watching a movie with my son, William, he is 15 years old and I looked at him, I mean I really looked at who he is and I asked him to please give me a hug. The smile on his face was so wide that I began to smile too. He gladly and lovingly hugged me with all of his might and we did not let go, not just yet. I told him that without him in my life that my life would be horrible and I mean that, wholeheartedly. 

Hugging my son was touching the divine. 

You see, children are insightful and full of unconditional love, gifts we tend to lose as we grow older. In my own child, I felt bright, magnificent light that illuminated me, and I wondered did he also feel that from me? 

At that moment, I realized my purpose, regardless of what interests me, what my career is or is not, and who is or is not in my life. 

What mattered and does matter was right there with my son. In seconds, every single confusing thought disappeared. 

That is the beauty of love. The divine essence of existence. 
 
The fact that we are placed here for various reasons and most times, they are quite simple. We make them complicated. 

I realized how blessed I were then, although I have always been aware, yet sometimes we forget in the busy-ness of life. Then everything around me was a gift, the sunshine, nature, my home, my work, my friends, my family, the fact that my limbs work and that I have the means to utilize technology to talk to all of you right now. 

For today [and every day] I suggest something extremely simple. 

Do this right now. 

Look around you and find your divine. It exists. 

You just may have your eyes closed at the moment. 
 
So, take the time to work through whatever you are dealing with, just don't stay there. 

And always, simply, be human.